Childhood Art: Haunted Mansion 4 (The Attack of the Poltergeists)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by FancyMonocle, Jun 23, 2015.

  1. FancyMonocle

    FancyMonocle The human being and fish can coexist peacefully

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    So I've always been kind of an artist, specifically a talented writer. Just recently I found one of my very first stories. It was the fourth installment of a series (oh yes I was intense). I thought I'd share it with all of you today. Two things to know here: it is absolutely real, I wrote this around ten years ago. Also, I have kept all the grammatical errors as is, so that you can FEEL my nine year old writing. So you might have to reread certain sentences to understand what I said:

    Chapter 1: A Spooky Birthday

    Zachary was turning 13; it's been almost a year since the latest ghost encounter. Zachary's party was gone but there was some thing outside a big green light waving and wandering in the misty night. Zachary always regretted when he wandered into things like this, so he decided not to. (Later on that night...) The green light was still there until it started moving forward, suddenly it got so close into the house there was a figure! Zachary ran to the phone and dialed 911, "Hello?" said the operator. "Yes, there's a dark figure with a green light on our property!" said Zach, "May I speak to your parents?" asked the operator, "They went out...hello? hello." The operator hung up. Zachary checked the window the dark figure disappeared. "Hello Zachary" said a voice he turned around there was a friendly looking person.... "Who are-are you?" asked Zachary" , "That doesn't matter what I am matter for I am a polterman half ghost half person in other words I can never die of old age but by a weapon I can" said the man. "Why have you come?" asked Zach "I have seen you fight Bon Drake Dealer (that creepy old man) but unfortunately there not just "ghosts" there are poltergeists, dangerous and vicious creatures they are, for they'll do anything to get their hands on you." "Come on we must get out of here they will expect you to be here" said the man "But this is my house I just can't leave" replied Zachary "Well like you said your parents are going on vacation for two weaks no?" said the main "Alright fine...."

    ___
    Chapter Two: The Matoron

    Zach and the polterman were going to a small village in the city's private forest...
    "So who are we trying to find?" Asked Zach, "The Matoron small but brave creatures they will protect you for tonight but tomorrow - I'll tell you later." said the man. Two hours in the forest they found the small village. There was about four huts and one Main hut. "Follow me." said the polterman; they went behind the hut he waved his hand and all of the sudden a door popped up. "Where does this lead too" asked Zach, "You'll see" they entered the door and it wasn't a small village anymore it was a giant village. "Ok, see that tall building that's where you go ok?" said the man, "alright" so he walked and the polterman went inside a strange store. He opened the door and there was a small creature smaller then him. "Do you have a reservation?" asked the Matoron "Yes, it's Zachary" "Aha your room should be ready in 20 minutes" said the Matoron, (Two hours later...) Your room is ready number 350 on the 4th floor" said the Matoron, Zachary took the key and headed up to the 4th floor. That night in his room he looked out in the forest suddenly red lights were in the forest, the polterman told Zachary if they're red light's there poltergeists, evil ones. Zachary ran to the lobby, "Don't worry little one the poltergeists love the forest that's where they uh...feed on animals." said the Matoron, but all of the sudden there was a huge red light, which meant it wasn't the animals the poltergeists want its him! Zachary ran outside, as silly this may seem you can't see the poltergeists through windows. Zachary heard the whispers saying his name and what he did to the old ghost man. "I didn't mean to it was the only-" "Silence! The poltergeists will hunt you down like a useless animal and words can't take you out of it! But for now we'll let you and all living things live for two more days! Just for two days." the poltergeist shadows disappeared.
    ___
    Chapter 3: Two Days

    What am I doing with my life? I'm following a 'polterman' to a village with little creatures. I'm literally so lost in life. These thoughts engulfed the naive and innocent mind of Zachary. What is he doing with his life? What will happen in these next two days? Are all of these events truly happening or is it all just a story straight from his imagination? Little did Zachary know that everything was about to get even weirder.

    The polterman walks into Zachary's hut to find the boy passed out like a drugged up puppy and in sheer disgust he yells, "Zachary Trace Gonzalez! Wake up!" The boy stumbles and falls straight on his face like the idiot he is. "Like whoa! So not cool dude! I was having a total bomb dream!" The polterman ignores the typical teenager response of Zachary and tells him they must go. "Dude, yes! Like the freaking poltergeist said there's only two days left until the world ends! I wonder why he chose two days?" The polterman scoffs and says, "You loser. Of course it's two days, that's how long it takes to activate the charred phoenix." A sudden rush of confusion hits Zachary like the puberty train that hit him a few years ago. "The Charred Phoenix? Like what the heck is that?" The polterman drops his staff, "The Charred Phoenix! It's the weapon that will destroy the world in just two days!" Zachary, still confused asks, "Yeah but WHAT EXACTLY is the charred phoenix?" The polterman rolls his eyes, "Zachary, it's the Phoenix. That's Charred! And it will destroy the world in two days!" There is a slight pause. "Yeah, but what IS the CHARRED. PHOENIX?" The polterman stomps his foot like a little child. "It's this thing! It's like a bird. But not. And it's charred." Zachary thinks about it for a while. "Okay. But why is it charred?" Polterman looks straight into Zachary's eyes. "Glad you asked. So I was barbecuing some duck than all of the sudden from the ashes of my grill, a Phoenix arose from the ashes, still charred from the coal in my grill. Hence 'Charred Phoenix'." Zachary now starting to get the full picture, "Great, so where can we find the Charred Phoenix?" Polterman starts to get agitated again but still answers the boy's question.

    (47 hours and 59 minutes later)

    "So the Charred Phoenix, rose from the ashes of your grill, lived in your apartment and totally trashed it, moved to Santo Domingo and lived in a shack by the river, only to be mistaken for a turkey and shot by some hunters, is now in the hands of some poltergeist spirit?" The polterman looks at Zachary sternly as he recites the story of the Charred Phoenix. "Not quite, the people who shot the charred phoenix were not hunters, they were missionaries. Now can we get on to finding the evil poltergiest?" Zachary pops off the bed and looks right at the polterman. "Sure man! Geez, probably don't have that much time, I wonder how much longer we have."

    Suddenly everything went black. The world ended.

    The End.....
    ..Or is it?


    Okay if you guys need to know what happens next, I know I do! Haha!, let me know and I'll post the next chapter.


    "It was suspensful!" - TealQueen

    "It was good." - Eggy

    "I liked it." - Ceramist

    "I really liked it." - KatieM

    "Two Thumbs Up! A Must Read!" - Ringo (Has recently changed her two thumps up to three)

    "Incredible..." - Danimals

    "It was so good I cried." - OswaldtheRabbit

    "hm story is 10/10." - iKingdom

    "Ok your story is...special : )" - Kiddy

    "Four thumbs up!" - Jafart

    "WOW...the supsense." - Laguna


    Thank you for all the support! It's been a wild and crazy journey, but the story of Zachary and the polterman has come to end! Hope you enjoy!
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2016
  2. Katie

    Katie Well-Known Member

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    NEXT CHAPTER PLEASE


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  3. Ringo

    Ringo eurotrash

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    DISCLAIMER: I NEVER SAID THAT WHAT IS THIS MAKE IT STOP FOREVER
     
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  4. Kevin_

    Kevin_ Illustration by Boris Schmitz.

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    After a long and personal discussion with @Ringo, I can confirm that @Ringo has indeed said that this is a wonderful story, and gave it a THIRD thumbs up! Wow !!
     
  5. danimals

    danimals Designated Tax Lobbyist

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    Incredible... have you considered submitting to a writing contest? you might wanna check out that comma splice on line 3 though.... BEST OF LUCK FANCYMONOCLE!
     
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  6. FancyMonocle

    FancyMonocle The human being and fish can coexist peacefully

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    My nine year old self didn't know what a comma splice was, I have to keep it the same! To make a legit story! Thank you for your kind and honest words!
    --- Double Post Merged, Jun 23, 2015 ---
    Then what do you call this:
    ring.png
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2015
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  7. Ringo

    Ringo eurotrash

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    WARNING TO ALL READERS: This photo has been manipulated using a photo editing programme. If you look closely, you can actually see that the text is a different font to that used within the game and furthermore that there is a white block behind the text which signifies text insertion. Do not be fooled by FancyMonocle's ability to edit. Do not become a victim to internet gullibility. Do not give in. Thank you and doG (backwards) bless.
     
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  8. FancyMonocle

    FancyMonocle The human being and fish can coexist peacefully

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    Oh Ringo. I have no experience in any sort of "Photo editing programme." Am I even pronouncing that right? I'm just a janitor at the prestigious MIT. Who also works at a construction site with my friend Ben. I have mentor that looks a lot like Robin Williams too. He told me I've always had a gift, and I guess...I don't know...I just want to show the world my talent. How do you like them apples?
     
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  9. FancyMonocle

    FancyMonocle The human being and fish can coexist peacefully

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    Second Chapter has been posted! Check it out! Woohoo! Wowza!
     
  10. Laguna

    Laguna ~.*~:.:yogi girl:.:~*.~

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    ¿When Will You Continue This? I Have Been Waiting Ages! I Have Zero Taller Ants Towards People That Don't Finish What They Started.
     
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  11. FancyMonocle

    FancyMonocle The human being and fish can coexist peacefully

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    I can't find the last chapter, so I'll have to finish it myself....11 years later. Happy now?
    --- Double Post Merged, Jun 2, 2016 ---
    Guys! The third and final chapter of Haunted Mansion 4 (The Attack of the Poltergiests) is here!! And boy...is it a doozy! Since I could not find the original final chapter I wrote over ten years ago, I had to rewrite it from memory. It's crazy right!? Oh well!
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2016
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  12. Eggy

    Eggy Well-Known Member

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    I can't believe it's over...it can't be...what do I do with the void in my life that this story once filled...
     
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  13. Laguna

    Laguna ~.*~:.:yogi girl:.:~*.~

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    I have no idea what a poltergiest is, as well as half the words in the story so I giv it a 6 out of 10. Also i think u lied about writing it from memory. Those r my final thoughts goodnight
     
  14. FancyMonocle

    FancyMonocle The human being and fish can coexist peacefully

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    Dear @Eggy ,
    Thank you for your support. I hope that is not sarcasm though, if it is, I will be hurt and will fall in despair. And the void will remain empty, sorry.

    Dear @Laguna ,
    A poltergeist is like a ghost. 6 out of 10 is unreasonably low, it's at least a 7.4. I just hope this means you'll stop sending me so much fan mail.
     
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  15. Laguna

    Laguna ~.*~:.:yogi girl:.:~*.~

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    Dear fancymonkey, i hope you realize what this means. You r going to miss my fanmails. Watch yourself
     
  16. Katie

    Katie Well-Known Member

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    Fancymonkey
     
  17. kiddy

    kiddy Well-Known Member

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    hererererererera
     
  18. FancyMonocle

    FancyMonocle The human being and fish can coexist peacefully

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    Dear @Laguna ,
    My name is not FancyMonkey. I would deeply appreciate it if you would apologize for calling me that and refrain from using that name again. Also your fanmail was repetitive, always "FancyMonocle you're a genius!" Or "I see you in my dreams every night Fancy :)" ...it was dreadful.

    Dear @Katie ,
    Do not repeat that name it is monocle not monkey.

    Dear @kiddy ,
    Stop speaking in tongues.
     
  19. Katie

    Katie Well-Known Member

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    Mehoy minoy noy
     
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  20. Laguna

    Laguna ~.*~:.:yogi girl:.:~*.~

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    stop exposing me fancymontana