Misogyny, Sexual Harassment, and Confessions

Poptart

Active Member
#1
I really tried to make this decent but uh, well..
Here's a three pile mash up of free verse poems.


Part I: Misogyny

A friend of mine once accused me of eliciting fights for selfish reasons

'For the sake of fighting'
As if he were worthy of my abrasion
As if my reactions reflected my sensitivity,
My indulgence for defense,
Rather than his own wrong doings.

Weeks later he made a comment
About my state of 'intimacy' with my prom date
And when I showed my distaste
He told me to drug myself
'He deserves it'

When I told him I was offended
Calmly, with as much grace as a hot headed person could muster
I was told to be quiet
'Just take it'
Smiting my reaction
Again and again
Time after time
Repeatedly losing my patience and respect
For someone that my mother begged me to submit to at the kitchen table
Because he was such a nice guy

We were in class the first time a label rolled off my tongue
Misogynist; I mispronounced it
For a moment he got a taste
His conscious swashing the accusation around
To either either absorb or spit out defensively
And suddenly he found a label
That brought him the relief of association

'Actually, I am'
My face must have drawn out an explanation
For he rushed to explain
“I just think that guys at this age are a lot more capable of handling things emotionally.”

But that wasn't enough
So he tried to further justify himself
With a girl that had gladly brushed him off
A rejection that entitled him to make generalizations
And again by saying
'Rape jokes arent even offensive'
But each attempt brought a sick taste to his mouth
As he struggled to say
'I'm worth more than you'
But! he was a 'nice guy'
That wasn't ready to be quoted
So he said 'Look, I'm not a misogynist'
Look, as if he'd offered viable proof that he sincerely took back the hate for a gender
That he'd just willingly complied to
And I knew
He was never going to be educated

So with a placid smile I said okay
But I wasn't convincing enough
And when class ended, he stalked me in the hallway and started to yell
'I'm not a misogynist, okay? I'm not!'
Desperately trying to repeat something he couldn't reclaim
But, he was never going to be educated
So instead, I asked for a confession
Luring his conscious to admit the fault
In the Rohypnol joke

But his ignorance surpassed his guilt
And as if to only contradict his prior sincerity
He refused to be in the wrong
With an intensity that mirrored
His inability to conceal himself
'It was a f****** joke
It wasn't even aimed at women!'
How is it that boys so often find a way to take even oppression away from us

I thought I would find sanctuary at my lunch table
But he leaned over me, yelling
'It was a joke, okay? It's not offensive!'
And I passively took it
Because he was never going to be educated
Because my Mother told me I was wrong
But even after I agreed
Swallowed all aggression
And said
'Forget about it, it's okay'
He cursed at me in front of my friends and left.

The last time I spoke to him
He made crude hand gestures
For coat hanger abortions
Good thing it was just a joke

Part II: Sexual Harassment


Earlier that year I went to Starbucks with someone
Who I'd known for four years
But never spoken to
I brought a mutual friend of ours
And he someone who was older than us
Who within the first five minutes
Asked if my hymen was still in tact

I thought our relationship
Ended that day when he spanked me goodbye
But a string of leaked numbers
Led to unwarranted pictures of sex toys
And pictures of myself
From obscure angles
When I had the unrefined luck
Of catching his eye in public places

Half a year passed before I saw him again
Though the messages were brazenly distributed
It was unexpected
But he was committed to someone
And the boy I liked was there
So as if to not make a scene,
I made the mistake of staying

I'm sure warning signs signaled
In which subtle glances
Bore toxic intentions
In the present girls
But I was too naive to interpret them
As anything but judgement
Until he was bent over me
While I plugged in my phone
Smelling my hair
There's a feeling of unease only a women can understand
A vulnerability that makes your teeth sharpen
And the knuckles of your spine go rigid
And the muscles in your shoulders knot to the point of distortion
An ingrown fierceness that redeems your smaller stature
That makes you almost violent
But - you are not a violent person
So instead of empowering you, strengthening you,
The violation creates a waxy layer around you
With no physical limitation to be removed
And you feel stained.

Minutes later I was in my swimsuit
Surrounded by some of my closest friends
So hyper-aware of myself that I hid behind a pillar
Trying to avoid eye contact with his immodest boxer briefs
I wasn't safe

It was a simple touch
He picked me up and threw me in
But hands burnt into places
That weren't meant to feel violated
And the sense of helplessness
Was repented with a burning in my throat
And instead of preserving my safety
I made the mistake of fighting back

Torn between an immature playfulness
And an actual desire to do harm
I kicked him in the groin
And he held me underwater
With dominating ease
Until I stopped fighting back
And submissively floated there
Made into the literal object that I was being treated; A Body
And when I finally surfaced, I made a break for it
But his hand caught around my ankle and held me in place

My friends sat there watching
And I dumbly asked them for some back up
Hoping to lighten the situation for myself
By making it out into a game
But he sat there with his grip on me
Not trying to pull me back, but rather
Keep me at bay
And I fought against the pull for minutes

Until exhaust clouded my mind
With a hope that convinced me
'Maybe he'll just let me go'
I asked for help again
More desperately this time
And was rejected
'You got yourself into that one'
Because everything was still playful, Right?
And when I finally got to my feet
I was already positioned into his grip
As his hand found that back of my swim suit
'You know you want this'

I was embarrassed to go back outside
After shouting at him to get off
And crying in the bathroom
Because I had looked doe-eyed at the boy I liked
Who returned no general look of concern
And knew he wasn't going to do anything
That he would never do anything
Which made me think
I was undeserving of having anything done
I was overreacting
I still do

We dated some time after that
But I couldn't shake the frustration
And ended it two weeks in

Part III: Confessions

I once debated with my first kiss
Whether innocence was such a trivial thing
To be killed by touch alone
Or whether it portrayed a state of mind

His opinion was limber
A lack of dedication
From an unrelated boredom
While I fully indulged
In defending what I thought to be my one distinctive quality
Refusing to believe
I was so dependent on others

The first guy I ever had sex with
Was just as innocent as me
In relation to how how my friend viewed it
I made the mistake of giving him
A depth that he did not deserve
A morality that I associated myself with
And had to be told by a classmate
With an all too knowing look
Over his paper back book
That I was being taken advantage of

Casualness seemed like the quick fix
To avoid hopelessly looking at someone
In the middle of a pool
And realizing you were alone
To take care of yourself
But experience fueled my hopefulness

My best friend fell in love
Weeks after a 'casual night'
When watching a movie
And movies all too often
Made happy endings out to be a play thing
Of the night before

So although I like to believe
That my unrelenting patience
And eagerness to forgive
To be forgiven
By someone who ignored me in the light
Were due to my promiscuous betrayal
A defiance of character
And in part it was,
I would be lying to say
That when things fell apart
I hadn't anticipated for the sweet hereafter
To bring them together again.

He kissed me goodnight
When we were no longer casual
And I was mislead by what probably
Seemed like the only acceptable way to part
With someone who has hugged your bare body
In the backseat of your car
And through that one act of mere familiarity
Or Loneliness
I was wrongfully lent the courage
To expose my secret agenda
Through a school girl confession

Whether it be the suddenness
Or bold vulnerability
Sweet words that were so uncharacteristic
That blurred all sensible decisions
Long enough for him to return his feelings,
A day later he revoked his statement
After the arrogance that comes
From holding fragile things in your palm all night
And realizing that you might want
Something a little stronger

'I think we should just be friends'

It became a joke
In the class where the boy with the all knowing smile
Read through my situation with a disgusting amount of ease
The one who finally shared the tell-tale story
Of the stupid girl who didn't know any better
Who was still hopeful to an extent
Still blindly anticipating
And the boy that let it get to his head,
That I looked like a lost puppy.

And with self-inflicted frustration
That comes with watching a hurt thing
Look so unaware of its pain
As if acknowledging no fault
To what was so clearly visible
And dumbly compensating for its pain
With twice as much love
That I began to understand
Why you couldn't blame a dog
For returning to its abuser
Instead of running away
Because the ******** thing just didn't understand


The next time I talked to him
I broke down
In the way that only broken people can
And sacrificed my decency
And I knew I was belittling myself
By becoming so weak in front of him
But he'd already been in the position
Of someone who could so easily hurt me
So by reiterating the too recent past

But the rawness of emotions was matched with the relief
A building sensitivity only relieved from angry words
And refused to go down alone

Sometimes the only way to find relief
Is to show someone how hurt you are
And to force the responsibility of your pain
Into their guilty lungs
Where angry words and a rawness of emotion
Demand their injustice to be recognized
And like a scarlet letter abandoned on the ground
Relieve the building sensitivity
And in place is the peace of mind with knowing
You didn't deserve to suffer alone

I hope your breath tightens
When you see me
I hope I had that much of an affect


'How could I be with someone
Who was sleeping with other people
How could I live with that'
Because two casual nights with him
Dirtied my name and
Convinced him he wasn't the only one
He was
But this story isn't about him.
 

Oreo

LIKE NOBODY'S BIDNEHHZ
#2
ohmygod...I don't know if these are based off of real personal experiences, but if they are, just know that I am 100% here for you 24/7. If you EVER need a friend or somebody to talk to you I want you to PM or Skype me. I've never been through any of the experiences you described, but I feel some of that pain and I never think any human being should be treated this way. I am here for you.
 

Poptart

Active Member
#3
Hopefully I got all the bad words censored.. heh... But if not just let me know!

ohmygod...I don't know if these are based off of real personal experiences, but if they are, just know that I am 100% here for you 24/7. If you EVER need a friend or somebody to talk to you I want you to PM or Skype me. I've never been through any of the experiences you described, but I feel some of that pain and I never think any human being should be treated this way. I am here for you.
Oh, oh my I didn't do this to get pity I hope it doesn't seem like that I really just wanted to write a poem about a boy or two that I felt mistreated me and then I focused too much on the first one and then my friend reminded me of the big number 3 so I had to include him and then I was like 'heeyy too lazy to rhyme why not try free verse'

But thank you for your support, it means the world uwu
 

Poptart

Active Member
#5
oh my word. those words. unfortunately i understand most of them all too well :/ this is written very well. I'm am sort of speechless right now.
Thank you! I'm reallllyyy proud of how the first one turned out. I got really lazy with the 2nd and 3rd but I'm hoping the realness of them (especially number 3rd) kind makes up for me breaking that style of the 1st one.
 

Oreo

LIKE NOBODY'S BIDNEHHZ
#6
No, omg. Not once did I think you were trying to get attention! Writing is a great way to express what's going on, and I applaud you for doing so :')
 
#7
Wow... You're a good writer, the way you tell your stories really intrigues and enthralls me. It's like when you come out of a movie theater after a long fascinating movie and it's light outside and you don't know what to do you're just like "Wot.. the sun... back to boring life after being immersed in such a deep story..?"

I don't know what to do with myself now. o_o This will definitely stick with me.
 

Poptart

Active Member
#8
Thank you for the comments everyone! I cleaned up all three of them (since it isn't 2 am heheh) and redid the third. Glad you enjoyed them! :)
 
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