Help me be the bigger person...

[princessshannie]

I am at a loss as to what to do...

There is a girl, Alice, who several months ago we both wronged each other in our friendship. She was seeing another guy while she had a great boyfriend and lied to me and everyone around her about it. I confronted her about it as I was worried about her and the direction she was headed. I was out of line and her behavior after was out of line. I apologized more than once. She acted as if she wanted to put it past us but never apologized for her part in anything. I was hesitant, but after we seemed to clear the air I gave it a go. We went to dinner with another friend two saturday's in a row, went to the gym, to the mall, and she offered to help in my classroom one afternoon. For me, being a first year teacher and still in school for my Masters, is a lot of time given. She was very cold and rude every time we were together without the third friend and proceeded to tell this other friend that I only hung out with her when it was convenient for me or when I needed help in my classroom.

After this I decided that I didn't feel as though the friendship was worth trying to repair.

Alice continued to try and contact me. I explained why I no longer wanted to continue to talk. She just said everyone talks about everyone and she assumed I knew why she was angry with me.

I stopped responding to her texts or calls and she removed me from social media. I thought that would be the end of that.

The problem is we have mutual family friends. She has since started trying to call and text me today as my father did her family a favor and she has a gift for him. She is house sitting in my neighborhood and dropped by unannounced, but nobody was home so she has continued to call and text to ask when I would be home to get the gift. The very inner childish and hurt part of me does not want to see her at all, but I know in reality in the very near future I will have to see her. There are family friends who have retirement parties and weddings coming up. I just don't know how to handle this situation... Where do I go from here?

 

[CocoBandicoot]

accept it with a smile and kill her with kindness.
gets them every time.

 

[Bird]

From a mature guy's perspective, I would have not ignored their attempts to contact. Maybe, try to give her subtle hints telling her you don't want to associate with her by not inviting her to do anything with you and such. And if she doesn't get the hint, meet up with her or talk on the phone and tell her how you are feeling about the situation since you two seemed pretty close, and tell her you don't like how she is living her life and tell her you don't want to be a part of that. If she doesn't want to change her ways to stay your friend, then she wasn't meant to be a friend in the first place. With guys, we don't spread stupid rumors to other people so this might not work and your friend might spread more wildfire as she has done in the past as per what you had written.

I suggest, if at all possible, isolate yourself from her for a while for the feelings to dissolve. Then move on from there.

Its not difficult to go to group gatherings where she will be to avoid her. And if she approaches you, just act casual, and don't be alone. Try to always eye out another posse to socialize with at these gatherings to that in case she approaches your group, when theres a good time to sneak out, excuse yourself, and jump into another group. If she has any sort of cognizance, she will get the hint and leave you alone.

Ive been in these situations before. If she isn't in tune with social cues, you might have to confront her.

This might all be completely wrong, but 3rd party hindsight is 20/20, so take this as a thought, and go with what you deem necessary.