no

[Mama Umbridge]

nope

 

[JAYY]

For those that know me, I am a zombie obsessed teenager. I love the Walking Dead \\ So, I have begun working on my first Romance/Horror/Comedy-ish story!
Whelp... Here we go... I guess. Any and all feedback is appreciated C:

Speaking of The Walking dead, I am now watching the new episode lol. And I love zombie movies, I don't know why even though they give me nightmares, it's so tempting to get into!
From your topics, I think you did great. I would definitely love to read more when you decide to progress

con for me: very fast on getting to the next scene, but still "" for starters.

 

[Mama Umbridge]

Thanks! C: And yes, I do agree. Pretty fast paced. I get that C: I was contemplating having this as a prologue... Any opinion on that? It was originally going to start as a short story... So... I guess I'm still stuck in that mindset lol C:

 

[CocoBandicoot]

Im writing a vmk zombie apocalypse story ok

 

[Elle]

Omg I love it so far ; o ; ^and I think it's totally okay for people to write more than one zombie apocalypse story on here.. Everyone writes differently and tbh i'm soooo excited to keep reading zombie stories! xD

I think it would be good to make this section into a prologue like you said, and slowly lead the story back to the scene as it progresses. Unless you want to make it into a short story, it would be okay to continue from here. Really would be interested to see the development between the two characters so I hope you continue!

 

[loch jess monster]

a bit heavy on the language...not profanity, obviously, just words in general, ahaha. you use SO much description, which doesn't have to be a bad thing; it just made it feel a bit clumsy and suffocating, almost. that makes it sound much worse than it is, though, so don't let that freak you out or anything because you've got some really good stuff going on in there. just remember that especially around dialogue, less is more with description. the reader should have a clear idea of what you want them to be focusing on, and extra stuff just ends up being distracting. (:

 

[CocoBandicoot]

o ik i jus want her to read mine since she likes em
MAMA DO YOU WANT TO BE IN IT
and i love it <3

 

[Mama Umbridge]

Just a heads up, I know I used a lot of description, as I said before this was originally drafted as a three part short story. Within my stories I use vivid language and descriptions to set up a starting point. And this isn't me being defensive over criticism, I'm merely stating a fact.

And as far as another zombie story goes, I'm sorry if I'm invading your turf lol. I've been working on zombie works for quite a long time now lol.

But thanks for the input everyone. I like improving my work to the best of my ability.

 

[CocoBandicoot]

Just a heads up, I know I used a lot of description, as I said before this was originally drafted as a three part short story. Within my stories I use vivid language and descriptions to set up a starting point. And this isn't me being defensive over criticism, I'm merely stating a fact.

And as far as another zombie story goes, I'm sorry if I'm invading your turf lol. I've been working on zombie works for quite a long time now lol.

But thanks for the input everyone. I like improving my work to the best of my ability.

omg no bby you're fine i just wanted you to read it because you said you loved zombie apocalypse stories so i was like "omg she should read mine and be in it if she likes it asdjksnfdfb"